"Mom, I Hate Your Magic Eyes."

Those words you heard your mom say 800 times that made you crazy.  One of the ones I hated was "Eyes in the back of my head."  Ugg, I felt like I was being watched and spied on and when I thought I had gotten away with something, I was caught because of the eyes in the back of my moms head.

Now that I have a 5 year old, by some miracle I too have grown eyes in the back of my head.  It is not enough that I know this and keep this little secret to myself.  Oh no.  I had to tell Charlee I had eyes in the back of my head and that is how I always knew when she was breaking a rule.

I think it started 6 months ago, in a desperate moment I told her I had eyes in the back of my head and would know if she broke a rule, then of course she wanted to see them and had all sorts of questions about them.  I told her only other moms could see my magic eyes.  I told her sometimes they were asleep and not looking so they were not seeing anything right now.  I had to tell her they were perfect eyes and did not need glasses like my front eyes.  Why did I have to keep adding to the story? Because she just kept asking and asking.

A few weeks ago, I was feeling brave and took her with me for my eye dr appointment.  I grabbed the electronic ritalin (iPad) and headed out the door.  Of course she was so curious about all the screenings and tests,  and watched everything.  I am assuming you have been to an eye doctor and had the thing in front of your face as you try to decipher the letters that are 800 feet away.  The office actually had a mirror you looked at, a screen behind you that reflected the letters for you to read.  Charlee was sitting under the mirror, and did not know it was there.

I sat down, went through the drill answered the questions, at one point the optometrist left the room, and Charlee said.  "Mom, how come your magic eyes don't know the letters." I was confused and she pointed to the screen behind my head and said you keep saying C and it is a O.  I told her they are just testing it all out. And then she told the doctor that my magic eyes in the back of my head usually see things really good. 

The other day Karsten came home at the same time she was walking down the stairs. She looked at me and asked. "Did your magic eyes see that."  I told her yes and she needed to go back and fix it.  Karsten looked confused and said, "What did she do?"  I said I have no idea.  She came back down and told me she flushed the toilet and used soap to wash her hands.

Sometimes at night when I can't sleep, I think I really should tell her its not the eyes that are magic but the ears that pick up the rattling of the candy wrapper, the shutting of a door, the scary silence from naughty deeds.  But then I re-think telling her about the clues she gives me, because she is always 2 steps ahead of me anyway.

Today it happened, she had had it with the magic eyes.  She was not going to play the game.  She was not going to be out smarted.  I was cooking in the kitchen, her back was to my back.  She was coloring.  I heard it the the tearing of the crayon paper and the chewing on the crayon.  Without turning around I said.  Charlee stop eating your crayons, put that in the garbage and if it happens again you will be coloring with a pencil.  Of course she asked how I knew what she was doing and I just pointed to the back of my head.  She got so mad and  said,  "Well my magic 5 1/2 year old eyes saw you cooking, and you can not see my 5 1/2 year eyes because they are magic and only 5 1/2 year olds can see them."

Well . . . Well . . . Well . . . I think I am in trouble. 

A Very Bad Day, I Lived To Tell About

 When I woke up, I discovered Karst had left his phone and his wallet at the house before he went to work. I knew he was working in Orem and I did not know how I could get it to him.  I could not worry about it, I had too many other things to do today.

I had two friends coming over with their kids Minda and Katie.  They were going to help me pack and clean.  We were going to make the kids lunch and give them time to play and destroy Charlee’s room.

I started in the garage, I was pleasantly surprised to discover a case Soft Scrub and a case paper towels on one of the shelves, they were on my shopping list and now I could cross that off my list. Charlee was feeling adventurous and we were all busy, we did not notice her climbing into the truck, starting it and putting it in drive.  Luckily, Katie swung the door open and stopped it before it could do any damage. I was so scared but could only think to put her in time out, and talk to her more about it later. I was rearranging boxes and Charlee was supposed to be sitting on the stairs in time out. 

When I turned around to see the polar bear was out of his cage and Charlee was holding the lock, she had figured out how to unlock it and had let the polar bear out.  This polar bear is one of Karsts favorite things, he took such good care of the little guy and always kept him locked up and safe.  When the bear was younger he used to play in the back yard and had always been nothing but gentle with Charlee.  Now he was full grown and little children were around and I panicked.  I yelled at my friends Minda and Katie to grab their kids and lock them in the house because the bear was out.  Minda started yelling at me about how crazy having a polar bear in our house is, and at this point I agreed with her.  I was frantically trying to call Animal Control because I had no way to get a hold of Karst to take care of this.

In the house while we were waiting for Animal Control, Katie kept opening all the boxes from amazon to see what was inside.  It was a printer, some t-shirft a waffle maker, and St. Patrick’s decorations. I told her it doesn’t matter it all has to be packed. 

I went upstairs to make lunch and I forgot our Christmas tree was still up with my mom’s Christmas ornaments on them.  I was feeling so overwhelmed, unorganized, and behind.

Then Karst shook me, told me he was leaving for the office and Charlee was on the couch watching cartoons.  I felt a physical sense of relief that this was all just a really bad dream and I don’t have to worry about a polar bear, or Christmas decorations, but I did need to get Soft Scrub and paper towels from the store.  Too many tasks, restless sleep makes crazy dreams for me. 

When a 4-year-old Finds a Feather

A few weeks ago, Charlee figured out, if you press really hard into a feather pillow you could pull the feathers out.  She was obsessed with this.  Of course we explained this was not a good thing, there was some time out done.  We hoped she would get over it.  

Daily, her and I laid down for some quiet time.  Books are read, the timer is set, no one gets out of the bed until the timer goes off.  Sometimes she falls asleep, sometimes I fall asleep.  The timer goes off I wake up, she wakes up, and we go on with our day. It had worked well for about 6 months.

About a month ago, the timer goes off, she is very quiet, I think she is probably asleep so I lay there for a few moments, I can tell she is moving around.  I look over and this is what I see.

It isn't even the whole pillow, maybe just half.  It is one of my older pillows so I figure she pulled a feather through and the seam tore.

 Charlee is loves it; she is feeling all the feathers, talking to me about how soft they are.

I cannot wrap my head around this mess.  I don't even know where to start, so I grab the camera, because really who is going to believe this story?  I need proof.

 Holy Shit was said a hundred times, under my breath.

 She stood up and it went everywhere.  I am on the phone with Karsten, I sent him pictures and he did not understand what was going on.  He came home.  I started cleaning up.  Half the problem was they were so light, that when you tried to grab a handful the feathers would move.  I filled up 1 garbage bag, 2 vacuum bags we did laundry at the house and I took the large bedding to the laundry mat.

Even though it has been a month I am still finding stray feathers under things.  Just walking around you would look down and feathers were stuck to your legs.  UGGH.  

Of course I shared this on facebook and instagram, because this story is made for social media.  

Here is a bonus for you blog readers, something I did not share on face book.  2 days after the incident in my bedroom, we are driving up to Heber and she throws up all over the back of my car, she had ate chocolate milk, cereal and a granola bar.  Yes a piece of me died cleaning that up in 10 degree weather. 

2 days after getting sick in the car, I opened her door Monday morning to see this

Charlee had done it again.  My sweet little 4-year-old TORE OPEN ANOTHER PILLOW!

 She bit a hole in the seem until she could get her fingers in there and pull.

The first time I thought it was an accident, I never imagined she would try to open a pillow. I thought it was an accident.  The second time, there was no smiling and playing.  

So for a month she has not gotten any new toys or treats at the store since that money goes to new pillows.  

I thought I was over this but just looking at the pictures makes my stomach spin.  

And that is why I am grounded from the computer

I got Charlotte settled on the couch watching a movie.  I thought I had found a window of time to go through pictures and update blogs.

I checked on her a few times all was well. 

Then20 minutes later she came and showed me what she had done:

Layers and layers of BLUE marker

I was surprised when I took her shirt off for the bath and found more art work. 

After a shower and a bath, there is still some blue, hopefully it will fade.  Hopefully when the Easter Bunny comes next week he won't mistake her for an egg and try to hide her.

Real blog update still to come

"Mommy Look at my owee."

Who taught her this?

Moments of Independance

 We were ready to go we were walking out the door and she starts screaming she needs a hat and a jacket, I try to explain its 90 degrees and she doesn't need a jacket, but there was no giving in.    Most days its her insistence on socks with her sandals that we fight over, I wasn't expecting this. 

She was so happy, it worked out and once we got in the car the jacket and hat came off and stayed in the car.

Another great adventure Charlee gave me was hiding behind the couch with butter.

I was upstairs picking up and I saw her walk into the living room, so about 2 minutes I went down, and surprised I couldn't see her.  So then I took a 15 minute search of the whole house, basement, garage every cupboard and box.  I was calling out for her offering chocolate and nothing.

I was standing in the living room trying to figure out where she went and then I saw the lamp behind the couch move.  I looked behind the couch and sure enough there she was in the middle with the butter.  She was one big grease ball.  So into the tub she went, and I got to clean up this.

Yep, I still love her!  And NOTHING is out on my kitchen counters when I walk away.

and the winner is . . .

From my last post, I thought I should update you on who the winner of the Employee of the Year for the accounting firm Karst works at.

It was announced at the annual Christmas dinner, after we had devoured the salmon and prime rib.  The partners introduced all the new employees and gave out recognition for accomplishments throughout the year. Karst was recognized for his accomplishments this year, but I am not allowed to share that with you . . . yet.  Also they recognized milestone employees, Karst got a $5 gift card to In and Out for being there for 5 years.  Then came the announcement for Employee of the Year and it went to:

Eli- from the Spanish Fork Office.

Karst and Eli actually started about the same time and they have worked together on different audits over the year.  Karst was so happy for him.  He was so shocked and so humble about it, he totally deserved it!  Congratulation Eli!!

Just when you thought the campaigning was over:

At the accounting firm where Karst works, they have an award

 "Employee of the Year",

 that they announce at the Christmas party.

And because Karst is the super stud he received the award the first year he worked there.

Well it is that time of the year again, 

and I guess Karst decided he would campaign for the award. 

Of course it was all a joke and then his co-workers started going along with him.

It started with a sign . . . and then they all put up signs. 

When Karst came home the other night,

 he was laughing and talking to me about it. 

 But today when I went into the office for him to sign somethings,

 I saw the signs and I couldn't help but laugh out loud

 and of course take some pictures.  Here is for your entertainment.  

This was on the office door across the hall from him, 

Remind you of high school?

  I love the pop machine in the kitchen,

 I am sure it will be full of Pepsi.

  And when Brian dances in his moon boots,

 we need to be sure to get video
 for his youtube career.

 This was on Brian's door.

I bet Brian is getting a t-shirt made that says
"vote for Karst."

And this is what was on Karst's office door.

 The bottom in blue says;

"paid for Karst for EOY"

He also walked around with this on all day.

 Look at this trusting, loyal, hard working guy 

. . . who obviously loves his job,

how could he not be

 Employee of the Year

p.s. The winner will be revealed on Tuesday night, I will keep you posted.

p.p.s. This is really all a joke the partners in the firm decide and there is tough competition,

 Karst really doesn't expect to win, he just wanted a good laugh.

p.p.p.s. love you Karst, don't be too mad at me, forgiveness is divine!

If you give Kim a mouse . . .

You will need to spend more for the magic mouse, so she can't break it again.

Then you will find the operating system (OS) is too outdated to handle the new technology and you will have to buy a new update.

Before you can install it,  you will find the over 20,000 photos you have on your hard drive is using all the space needed for the new install.

So you will wait 14 hours while your system cleans up your hard drive by moving, deleting and scrubbing files.

Now you can finally do the install for the new Snow Leopard.

Once the new operating system is installed,
you will find all your address book information is deleted.

Also, you will find you photo editing software no longer works.

At that point you might need a good cry.

So you contact apple support, and 3 phone calls and 2 hours later,
You will be scrabbling to export all changes from the last 2 weeks, to an external drive.

In the meantime your daughter will destroy your scrapbooking and crafting supplies,
so she is quiet while you are on the phone.

Next you get to wait another 6 hours while your system does a restore,
back to the old OS.

While you watch hoping nothing else is lost, it will be  a long 6 hours.

Once you have your old system back,
you can go through and copy and print any information you know was lost.

And just like that you get to start over, with the cleaning and scrubbing of the hard drive,
the update to the new OS (yeah another 14 hours).

Re-Install the Snow Leopard

You now get to move the files from the external drive to the correct location.

Finally you are able to  install your new mouse.

And all of this so Kim could scroll with her mouse.

Need a new lullaby?

As I told you, we sing to Charlee almost ever night before bed, well after 145 nights we are on the look out for a new lullaby.

Today while we were enjoying our lunch of Turkey & Cheddar sandwiches, orange sticks, and doritos we saw this new lullaby.




Charlee bops her head when the beat picks up and giggles.

I love that Ricky Gervais bugged Elmo, like Elmo bugs me.

Lovin' the Sun

Hey Karst -

Remember the other night, when you were complaining about all the extra money we have and how you just wished you knew how to blow another $700 . . .

Well, as you know April 8th happens to be my birthday, and tonight, I saw that as of April 3rd, this will be available, here is the link you can pre-order. I think this is called destiny.

I gave up on hint dropping years ago, I have to just come right out and ask.

Re-Run

Who doesn't like a good Re-Run? So I came across what I think is one of my funniest posts, and to my astonishment there was only 1 comment. So I am thinking all my devote readers had missed this post. Here is your second chance . . . and yes I need to hear your comments or my feelings might be hurt.

So this weeks Wacky Wednesday, a fact that many of you know about me, if you have ever gone anywhere with me:

I AM A KLUTZ!!

Not just a bump into things or knock things over. I am the down on the ground, skirt over my head, knee-bleeding klutz. I haven’t narrowed down the problem. I blame it on not paying attention to where I am going, and trying to get there too quickly. (However, I am proud to say I have never peed my pants when I have fallen, unlike someone I know.)

Here are some great examples of past Klutzings:

¨ I am about 14 years old, at home and it is dark. So I am walking to the bathroom and trying to figure out why I can’t see the window in the bathroom, and I am walking and walking and “ouch” I walked straight into the door, and bounced back in shock.

¨ I was again at home and I talking on the phone, back in the olden days when the phone was attached to the wall and there was a handset attached to the cord so you couldn’t really go too far. Anywho, I am talking and playing with a rubber band, ( I know you can see it coming.) So while I am talking I put the rubber band over the door handle of the sliding glass door and I am looking at it and getting it straight and “flip” “ouch” and I was hit square on the forehead. The funny thing, I was surprised that happened. Then of course I had to tell my friend that I was talking to on the phone what I did, which made me feel more gifted and talented.

¨ So our current home, also has a sliding glass door, (but we have “banned” the rubber bands, because those are dangerous), More than once I would walk out onto the deck with out noticing that screen, I would walk right into it. I did it so much I bent the screen frame and we had to take it off.

¨ I lit my bed on fire when I was 16 while I was trying to light a candle, and didn’t notice until the smoke alarm went off.

¨ I have closed a door on my skirt, kept walking and didn’t notice until I heard the “rip” sound.

See why I don’t have pictures, now that really would be embarrassing.

So when Karst and I were dating I somehow was able to camouflage my klutziness (not that I hid it, but you know love is blind), and Karst was totally caught off guard when he realized it. Here is the story:

· Day 3 of our honeymoon. The day we are camping. We are unloading the truck and getting camp set up and of course there is a fire pit in the middle of the campsite, (no there is no flame). I was carrying a cooler and I tripped and fell into the fire pit, Karst, concerned and worried about his beautiful bride, he drops the box he is carrying, runs over, tries to help me up and is brushing the ashes off my leg. Asking if I am all right, tells me I should sit down for a minute. Me? What I am doing? Laughing. So I assure him I am okay, so about 2 trips later I do it again, he is like are you serious at that point I am banned to the camp chair and not allowed to help unload the truck. (I know bummer deal.)

So fast-forward about 2 years, and Karst now knowing my klutzy secret:

¨ We are downtown walking in front of the mall; I trip and fall on to the ground. Karst looks down and casually says, “what are you doing on the ground, again, Kim?”. So what does that tell you? He has come to expect the falling and the klutiness. Theses days, he will notice a bruise or a scrape and he’ll say; “falling again, huh.” He has accepted this as a part of life.

Needless to say I think I have learned the art of being a Klutz and by following these simple rules you too can embrace your klutziness and look forward to your next “incident.”

1) Even if you don’t’ feel surprised you should, act surprised. You don’t want people to think you planned it. Plus surprised is a better way to act then embarrassed.

2) Don’t look around to see if anyone saw, because then you will see them and know that they saw. It is just better to pretend no one saw and you can go on with your day like nothing happened.

3) Laugh, Laugh and keep laughing all the way to the ice machine and Tylenol. If you cry people will ask you what is wrong and then you’ll have to tell them, and they will get the laugh.

4) And this is serious, tested, tried and proven. Just relax. When you are walking down the flight of stairs in your heels, drinking your Dr.Pepper talking on the phone and you start to fall don’t grab onto the hand rail or wall and try to stop yourself, just relax your muscles and they will take care of you. The tenser you are when you hit the bottom (or your bottom, ha ha) the more it will hurt. So again just relax and enjoy the ride.

P.S No bones or stitches have been incurred because of a klutzy moves, so I can highly recommend these rules.

Bad Hair Day

Charlee: "Sometimes my mom scars me."

The MINI Van

Okay, so a couple months ago, I told you that we were going to rent a minivan, and how I thought I might die. Well, I am happy to report I didn't, and I have the proof right here. Now, I know there are a couple of you that read this blog that are in love with your minivan. It was a humbling expirence to learn a few good things about the minivan world.

First of all let me tell you we had a 2008 Chrysler Town & Country Minivan that had about 6000 miles on it. So we were set up for a sweet ride.

I will admit there was a lot of nice features of the van that made our road trip to Vegas very convenient and comfortable.
I LOVED how all the doors auto opened and closed with just a push of a button, there was no need to slam the doors, they did it all by themselves.

I LOVED the storage space in the van, since we are over-packers by nature this was a great feature. However I could easily see how if you owned a van there could be treasures lost in the many hideouts that you would never see again.

And there were a couple of myths about minivans that I am happy to report are myths.

The first: Some people can look good driving a minivan, and if you want to look a little frumpy, when you are in the minivan no one is shocked. So either way you are covered.

The Second: THEY HAVE BLINKERS, (signals), you know those lights on the end and side of the vehicles, they aren't for decoration they really do work. I know can you believe it? I was shocked to learn this, since I had never before seen anyone driving a minivan use their signals.

The Third: My Pink CD sounded pretty good in the van, and the speakers spread out further than in my Lancer OZ, and I have to admit sounded good. You can rock out in a minivan. (Although people driving by wouldn't believe it, they would think you were just yelling at your kids.)

The Forth: They can do more than 60 MPH on the freeway. It didn't even kill the gas milage. For real people, are you listening? I am not kidding this is not a joke, I got this bad boy up to 90 more than once by "accident", and he loved it. Don't be fooled by the way you see other people driving, these things do have guts.

To summarize my review, minivans are great for long distance travel. Next time we plan a long distance road trip I am sure we will be renting another. There will however not be a mini van in my name, I need my little car that can get in and out of places fast, I have a reason not to participate in the carpool, (limited space), and I would probably loose Charlee in one of the hundred hiding places. I hope you learned something from my experience, and I promise not to laugh when you tell me you are buying one for your family.

And the winner is

Remember back in June when this started? That led to all these posts of pictures of Charlee so you would come here everyday and go and vote for this blog?

Well, the votes have been counted, and the winners are announced:

H2K Family Blog

Salt Lake City, UT

There you have it, who knows how close it was, or what the final numbers were the point is we won. We, meaning you and me and everyone you told to vote.

Now for the speech, (and you thought I rambled before), first I would like to thank all the people who took the time to vote and I have to thank whoever nominated me, I am not sure who you are, but thanks it has been fun. And if I had a terra for winning, I would make it a traveling terra, so you could all take turns wearing it. Of course I have to thank cute, photogenic Charlee, who without her pictures no one would come to read my ramblings. Thanks!!

Since I only win bragging rights, you get to stare at the botton on the left for at least another year. (see that is how we are all winners)

What I really think about Mary Kay

Just typing the word Mary Kay makes me throw up a little, so I will refer to is as MK.

Over the last 5 years I have been exposed to the "MK Expirence" as they call it, or as my husband calls it dealing with the devil.

Here is the thing, MK is a little truth mixed in with lots of lies to decieve, ( I think that is the definition of evil).

For instance, you are invited to a "Facial Party", which is really "You smear stuff on your face and I give you my sales pitch on MK."  When I go for a facial, I expect a professional to give me the facial, if I wanted to smear stuff on my face and get a sales pitch, I would sit on my couch with lotion and watch an infomercial.

The actual product, the stuff in the boxes  it's okay, it isn't anything I couldn't live without.  I have to say I have never tried any of there products that I couldn't find the same things somewhere else.  Calling it a "premium" product is a laugh, it is no where near the quality of a premium product.  There is not consistency in there products, the lotion you buy today will not be the same lotion you will get in three months.

All of this I could live with and would not put MK into the HATE category in my life, (which is a short list next to Wal-Mart, Lasagna and stuffed peppers).  What puts MK in this category is the "consultants" are NOT there to sell make up, or facial products.  They are not expects in the field, they can't even legally touch my skin, their ONLY goal is to get more consultants.  

I went to a sales pitch party a few weeks ago and was reminded of this. I would say a good 80% of the time was spent on talking about MK.  And how it is the answer to all your families problems.  And as far as the moto:  "God, Family, Career"  What it really should say is "Consultants, meetings, phone calls."  Every time I have gone I get the same pitch, and then the director needs to call me to find out how the consultant did, which is a lie, it is about why I should be a consultant.  

I have been taken to dinner, lunch, "beauty technique training" (meetings on getting more consultants.)  The worst was when I was put in a room with 3 other ladies with a director and asked point blank why I wouldn't want to have the money, extra time with my family, and recognition for what we do.  The lady said I needed MK because my husband would never give me the recognition I needed.  I told her she had no idea who he was or what he did and I didn't feel starved for extra attention.  Then she asked me what I was going to do to support my family because I couldn't be selfish and expect hubby to do it all the time.  And when I told her we had a plan and she didn't need to worry about it.  She said what is the point of having kids and a family if your going to pay other people to take care of them and not do the work yourself.  At which point I told her, it was none of her damn business what I did and asked her who was taking care of her kids while she was going around selling the devil's products, and conning more women into the scam.

Sure if you want to get dressed up, go to meetings and work towards a "Car" that you don't actually own, the company does and if you stop selling or if your sales drop or your consultants drop you loose your car.   These are a few of the little things they don't tell you.  Sure there are those who are making over $100k a year, but for every one of those there are hundreds of others who are not making anything and spending their time and money trying to make something that won't work.

I believe those who are successful with MK, are good sales people who would be just as good selling used cars.  For them it is finding the right people to get more people and to build up their gain it is not about making the world better, happier or prettier.

So next time you want to help your friend who signed with the devil and needs to have a party.  This is one party I am good to be left out of.  And if you get invited, be prepared for a sales pitch that rivals a timeshare pitch.  Good Luck!!