Sunday, December 11, 2011

Stocking Delima

The amount of stress and emotions I have poured in the the stocking situation is crazy.

Since Charlee has joined our family our Christmas stockings no longer match.  It is her third Christmas now and I so want us to have matching stockings.

First of all I am extremely picky about my holiday decorations.  I do not have a lot and I don't want it lot.  I have to LOVE every decoration.  If I don't feel it, its gone.  The less is more rings true with the holidays.  And the majority of my Christmas is blue, silver and white.  Snowmen & snowflakes are my decoration of choice, not Santa or elves.

Things factors go into my stocking selection.  The last two years I have been on a constant search for stocking that I LOVE the style, fabric, style and color.  

Of course I have came across a few that would work.  So I grab them, one, two, three and then I pause.  Do I grab a 4th?  Do I get the more famine one to match mine or Charlee's?  Do I get one to match Karst's.  Do I stop at 3 or get 4?

Anxiety and tears have set in.  What if I get the 4th now and nothing happens and every year I get to stare at a maybe stocking?

My anxiety is about the lack of control about our family.  I don't know when or if we will be a family of 4 or if we will be a family of 3.  Most of the time it isn't an issue, and I can deal with it.  

However when it comes to stocking buying it hits me in the face.  I don't want to buy new stockings every couple of years.  I want my kid(s) to grow up having one stocking tied to their holiday memories. I know it is weird and should not matter, but to me it does.

So if I only buy 3 now and then in 2 years we need another and the same style or color is gone?

It isn't really about stockings, its about lack of control. 

In my heart I desperately seek to have some sort of control over my own family.  When and how we bring children into our home.  This is a hope, for something I will never have.  A hope I need to let go of.

I will try to figure out my emotions and let go of what I can't change.  I need to find some fun stockings and get on with my christmas and my life!  

1 comment:

Tonya said...

I completely understand this dilemma! It is terribly hard to buy specific things like that and it completely messes with your heart and mind. I wish I had better advice to other than the words I understand.