Friday, June 7, 2013

Love Watching this Open Adoption Work

 4 and a half years later, and it still happens.   Just for everyone who asks, so do you still talk to the birth mom.  Of course.  While she no longer lives as close, the visits are farther between, they still happen.
 We have tried to skype a few times, sometimes Charlee is into it and other times she wants to run and play, but when she can see Elle, she is eating up all the attention, and why not?
We look forward to the time we do get to spend with Elle, Charlee's understanding of who she is grows.  She loves her, admire's her and for the next week she talks about visiting with her birth mom.  We love spending time with Elle, catching up and having fun together.

After the the previous visit, Charlee and I were looking at pictures and she asked me "How come we just call her Elle and not birth mom?"
  I replied, "Sometimes we call her mommy Elle or tummy mommy."  Charlee then got very mad at me, and  told me 
"you can not tell me I am going to call Elle, it is my birth mom and you are not the boss of that."
I agreed and told her she would need to ask Elle what she wanted to be called.

During the visit when Elle and Charlee were alone, I asked Charlee to ask Elle her question.  Charlee was shy and wouldn't not bring up the subject, I asked Charlee if she was alright if I brought it up and she nodded.  I told Elle that "Charlee wants to know what she can call you?"
And because of how loving and kind Elle is, she said, "You can call me what ever you want." Charlee replied" I want to call you birth mom Elle."  So for the rest of the visit she said it about 80 times and every time she would smile.  In the car or in public Elle always responded to her and was great about it.  I was grateful Elle was so accommodating to Charlee, and that Charlee expressed a need.  I know in the future they will continue to work out their relationship, with or without me.

 There is something there that is more than a friend, or an Aunt or another family member.  For Charlee you can see her connect on a different level.  I love watching their bond grow.  I want her to know where she came from, I want her to embrace that.  I want to be sure these moments happen.

Adoption is a gift of love that is given to the child, the child has a chance to be in a stable, loving home and an open adoption allows for the child to share more love with the birth family and adoptive family.

This relationship is as easy and comfortable, because we have made it so from the beginning.  It feels normal, to us.

1 comment:

Mostly Jessica said...

We just got home from a visit with Zach's birthmom. He was so excited for this visit he sat in the car with his bear and blanket and tried to take a nap while we were getting everything ready! He also came in and out of the house several times asking us when we were going to be ready. I love that he was excited to see her and it was a great visit :)