A Better Me

I want to post about all the great and funny things I am enjoying in my life right now.   I need to pause here and be grateful for the life I have and love and enjoy.  In 2012 I took a only me weekend break from life.  Karsten took Charlee went to Wyoming, along with my phone and other electronics.  I packed some clothes, some writing stuff, my scriptures (religious books), and a calling card. I stayed in a luxury suite in Park City, which had a walk out deck to some walking paths. 

It was not because I was unhappy with my life; it was that I had stopped being happy in my life.  I felt like I was just going through the motions, I was surviving and crossing things off the list but it was not living my life.

I looked at each aspect of my life, the relationships I had and tried to determine what I had and what I really wanted.  I have the life I have because I choose this, I do like being married to Karsten, I do like being a mother to Charlee, I do like being a Mormon, I do like being a daughter, sister and and an aunt, and I do have great friendships.  I thought and wrote about all the ways I wanted to make these things better.  How I wanted to enjoy, cherish and grow these relationships.

There were many things and even relationships I looked at, which I did not enjoy, things that were taking away from my life and not adding to my life. I thought about why they were there, how I could change them, could I let them go.

Oh it was good; even now 2 years later I can feel the relief from that. I took the time to walk through nature, I took the time to pray from my heart and listen for guidance.  I took the time to listen to my heart.   I took the time write it out and dig to the bottom.  It was hard.  There was some ugly crying

As I packed my bags and left that room, I was a different person then when I checked in.  I was grateful to meet up with my family.  I felt raw but energized.  I felt like I had found myself under all the bullshit I told myself for too many years.

Nothing big changed, at least for a while. Inside things were different.  I was able to make better choices, I was more conscious of those choices.  I carved some time out of my day to check in with myself and make sure I was being true to whom I was.

I started being more honest with people, not just a people pleaser, I started praying more and listening more. I started doing more things out in nature.  I started enjoying my life. 

It has been hard to let go of many things and relationships that were not working.  Keeping everyone happy does not hurt.  The life lesson of letting go is not something I will ever be okay with.

Two years later, I am sitting in my home surrounded by nature.  I am more active, and my family is more active.  I have found a way for my home to be open to those I love and care about.  My spirit feels stronger.  I am enjoying the good and bad parts of my life.  I wish I were further along in some areas.  I wish I were brave enough to share details with you. 

 

I want you to make the choices for you, to have joy in your life, let go of those things that hold you back.  Sit with yourself, listen and discover who you are and what you need.

My journey will continue, I am happy with were I am but I know I have much more to experience and enjoy.