Saturday, July 5, 2014

"Mom, I Hate Your Magic Eyes."

Those words you heard your mom say 800 times that made you crazy.  One of the ones I hated was "Eyes in the back of my head."  Ugg, I felt like I was being watched and spied on and when I thought I had gotten away with something, I was caught because of the eyes in the back of my moms head.

Now that I have a 5 year old, by some miracle I too have grown eyes in the back of my head.  It is not enough that I know this and keep this little secret to myself.  Oh no.  I had to tell Charlee I had eyes in the back of my head and that is how I always knew when she was breaking a rule.

I think it started 6 months ago, in a desperate moment I told her I had eyes in the back of my head and would know if she broke a rule, then of course she wanted to see them and had all sorts of questions about them.  I told her only other moms could see my magic eyes.  I told her sometimes they were asleep and not looking so they were not seeing anything right now.  I had to tell her they were perfect eyes and did not need glasses like my front eyes.  Why did I have to keep adding to the story? Because she just kept asking and asking.

A few weeks ago, I was feeling brave and took her with me for my eye dr appointment.  I grabbed the electronic ritalin (iPad) and headed out the door.  Of course she was so curious about all the screenings and tests,  and watched everything.  I am assuming you have been to an eye doctor and had the thing in front of your face as you try to decipher the letters that are 800 feet away.  The office actually had a mirror you looked at, a screen behind you that reflected the letters for you to read.  Charlee was sitting under the mirror, and did not know it was there.

I sat down, went through the drill answered the questions, at one point the optometrist left the room, and Charlee said.  "Mom, how come your magic eyes don't know the letters." I was confused and she pointed to the screen behind my head and said you keep saying C and it is a O.  I told her they are just testing it all out. And then she told the doctor that my magic eyes in the back of my head usually see things really good. 

The other day Karsten came home at the same time she was walking down the stairs. She looked at me and asked. "Did your magic eyes see that."  I told her yes and she needed to go back and fix it.  Karsten looked confused and said, "What did she do?"  I said I have no idea.  She came back down and told me she flushed the toilet and used soap to wash her hands.

Sometimes at night when I can't sleep, I think I really should tell her its not the eyes that are magic but the ears that pick up the rattling of the candy wrapper, the shutting of a door, the scary silence from naughty deeds.  But then I re-think telling her about the clues she gives me, because she is always 2 steps ahead of me anyway.

Today it happened, she had had it with the magic eyes.  She was not going to play the game.  She was not going to be out smarted.  I was cooking in the kitchen, her back was to my back.  She was coloring.  I heard it the the tearing of the crayon paper and the chewing on the crayon.  Without turning around I said.  Charlee stop eating your crayons, put that in the garbage and if it happens again you will be coloring with a pencil.  Of course she asked how I knew what she was doing and I just pointed to the back of my head.  She got so mad and  said,  "Well my magic 5 1/2 year old eyes saw you cooking, and you can not see my 5 1/2 year eyes because they are magic and only 5 1/2 year olds can see them."

Well . . . Well . . . Well . . . I think I am in trouble. 

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