I was blog hopping and came across this post:
This is Andee's blog, a birth mother who placed her baby for adoption a little over a year ago.
One of her points was this:
4. If you are married, pregnant and parenting this baby, do NOT complain to a birthmother OR an infertile couple, about your pregnancy.
(I want to add do not complain about being a mom either.)
This really hit my heart, and I felt the tears running down my face.
I hope I can explain all the feelings I have had about this.
What a lot of people don't understand is that for the birth parents and the adoptive parents there is a loss, a true grief about the situation.
Since I was a little girl I wanted to be a mother,,
I wondered about being pregnant about experiencing the birth of my baby.
When I got married I thought about sharing that experience with my husband.
I hoped our babies would have his blue eyes and his cute smile.
You know, all of those dreams you accumulate over the years.
Along the road, we had to bury these dreams;
we had to let go of the expectation our children would be born to us.
This is where the loss and the grieving comes in for adoptive families.
We have to give up a lot of control and accept what we cannot control.
We don't know when or if we will get to be parents.
In talking to many birth parents, over the last 3 years,
I have learned they also have to let go of the dream of being the mother.
They have to morn the loss of being with the baby every day, of being the caretaker.
There loss is HUGE, their loss is a piece of their heart.
Because of the love they have for their child they are able to look past their own hurt
to find what is best for the baby. They are a true parent in every way.
A Birth parent chooses what is the best for their baby, even if it causes them lots of pain.
Sure there have been times when I said, are you kidding?
Charlee just did what
and now I have to stop what I am doing or what I wanted to do to take care of something.
But guess what?
I am always grateful for these moments,
because it reminds me I am her mom,
I get to do this.
I had to let go of the dream of being a mother for awhile,
not knowing if the chance would ever come a long.
So everytime I get the chance, I love it.
I do not take it lightly;
I cherish it because I know this opportunity is a miracle.
One of my friends, Joni,
placed her son for adoption 9 years ago.
She has since married and now has a son that is almost 2 years old.
As a birth mother, someone who suffered the loss of motherhood,
now that she has the chance.
she cherishes it and does anything and everything for her son.
I have never heard her complain about the hard days.
This is true with the adoptive mother and birth mothers.
They have a deeper respect for motherhood,
because they know it comes at a price,
it isn't a burden or a chore; it is an honor
to be able to be a parent.
I know most mom's out there really do respect motherhood,
I am just trying to help you understand
why this is a sensitive subject for us involved in adoption and infertility.
So if you feel like your pregnancy is uncomfortable,
or harder than it should be.
Or if you feel like your children are cramping your style,
or in the way of your goals and slowing you down,
find someone else to complain to.
You will not find any sympathy from us,
we know too many people who would gladly trade you places.