Saturday, August 14, 2010

The journey we are on

I was ready for the trip. I had planned. I had researched. I had picked my travel partner. I was packed. I thought I could get us there all by myself.

All my planning did not pay off, you can not plan for the unknown. I could see the road, but I was missing something, a big something . . . the key, to even start. For years I tried to find the key, not wanting to admit that I didn't have it, I couldn't get it nothing was going according to the plan, we were not going to get to our destination, we could not get on the road.

I blamed myself for not getting my husband where he wanted to be. All my praying, wanting, trying, and planning, and still I did not have the key, he couldn't go on this trip, he was missing out on the experience. That was my job, I was his travel partner, that was all part of the deal.  He had done his part, got the car, got the gas, made sure we had what we needed.  

Family and friends whizzed by waving smiling, sharing with us about their trip, some even blogged about it, letting us know that their trip was everything they wanted. Telling us to just keep looking, we'd find our key.  

We had a choice, we could run back to our safe lifestyle, we could unpack and plan another trip, find a new destination, a new desire. But it was too late the desire to go was too great we did not feel there was another destination for us, we knew we wanted this experience.

We put out SOS signal, put on our flashers, radioed for help and called everyone we knew. We talked to strangers about our needs. Met with a few locksmiths.  We took lots of chances, tried to get attention to see if someone could help us. And we waited, and waited to see if our calls for help were heard.

She appeared off in the distance, we could not tell if she was really there, we didn't know if she could help us. We knew she had a key, almost like the one we were missing. She offered to help us to get on the road, we were hopeful, it felt good it could work, but the fear was still there.  What if it was just a detour that would get us to a dead end?

As we got to know her, we realized she wanted to get to be on the same road we did; she had the key and we had ways to continue the journey. It felt like a good match, it felt right. We had to trust her; we had to let go of the fear.

It would have been tough but she could have done it by herself, but for her this journey was not about herself. Knowing in her heart she was not as ready as she wanted to attempt the journey. She was sad to discover she could not do. She did not have all the right parts and pieces by herself.

That is why she stopped to help, to see if we could help each other. She had to take the first step.  She took a chance, put out her hand and offered to help us reach our destination. thought.

Once she was at on ramp, the smelly, smiling, wobbling, gates to motherhood, she turned to us and gave us her key. Only one of us could have the key to get on the road, and she let me. She let my husband. She gave up the mommy experience, so I could be a mommy. She wanted her key to have the journey she could not do herself.  She might not be on the exact road we are on, but she knows what is going on.  Her road to motherhood took a little detour, but she is still a part of the journey.  She is still part of the journey, she allowed us to take.

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