You know change is good, but not easy. Inevitable, but not always in your control.
A major thing that changed in my life was my socializing. Last week, I went to a movie with a friend from my previous job. We had fun, we laughed, but I all of a sudden felt so out of it. Do you know what I mean? I felt totally out of any loop, I felt like I couldn't carry on a normal conversation to save my life.
The previous week, I realized that 4 of the days, Karst was the only adult I talked to or saw. I only left my house 2 times that week.
These are all shocking things to see, because this is not who I am. Before I was on the go. No one ever caught me at home. This is another HUGE change in my life.
The shocking thing, my days don't feel empty. At night I go to bed exhausted. I feel challenged to try and stay on top of my obligations. I get to watch Charlee grow and learn. I lose track of time when we are playing on the floor. Hours go by without me noticing.
A while ago, Charlee started to get really whiney and it seemed we were having lots of bad days. So out of desperation, one day, to get her calmed, I dropped everything I was doing and read her a book. It was then that she calmed down and the power struggle seemed over. It was then that I realized the reason for the chaos was because she was feeling pushed aside.
I realized I have another 70 years to do and accomplish all the things I want to do, but only a couple of years to spend with Charlee, before she is too independent and doing her own thing. I waited too long, I love her too much, I don't want to miss anything. I don't want her to think that mommies only read to you before bed, that they spend time on the computer rather than playing with you. She has to know that she is more important to me than "stuff".
It was the light bulb going off, telling me this is her REAL life, this is her REAL day, and I can't be be holding her back. If the weather wasn't so yucky we would be outside more. We have been doing and discovering things around the house. We defiantly need to get out of the house and do more things.
As you have probably noticed I spend way less time on the computer. I am so behind with my blog reading, it is embarrassing. My emails are beyond out of control. To you all, I am sorry, please don't think I am rude, I just have needed to unplug for a while. For myself, I have decided I will not choose to be on the computer when Charlee is awake. I hope you understand. I hope I still find a loop to be in. But if you are looking for something to do, or need to get out of the house yourself, let me know. I have tons of ideas!! I am so excited. I will try to share them with you.